Door to Door

So, this afternoon, the Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on our door. Unknowingly, I opened the door and found two women with a girl who couldn't have been more than 10-years-old. They got as far as "Hello, we are with the Jehovah's Witnesses and..." I quickly interrupted them and said, "No thank you, we're not interested." They look absolutely shocked that their poignant yet totally bogus message from a lord (not THE Lord) wouldn't be of interest to me, and with that, I shut the door.

However, I must confess, after doing so, I felt some regret. For, I knew my religious-debating husband would not have been proud of my quick dismissal of the situation. Here I have three Jehovah's Witnesses standing right here on my door step, and the least I could have done was start singing Happy Birthday or heckle them with some of my Christian Bible talk. But no, I let them off with a "No thanks, we're not interested." Truly pathetic.

So, all day I've been thinking about completely politically incorrect ways to address the JW's when they arrive at the door... (Please note, this is all in fun - no harm or disrepect is intended. Just because these people are totally wacked does not mean they deserve any less dignity than any truth-believing Christian. In fact, after they left, I prayed for them, because those poor souls are truly lost in a world so readily offering the truth.) OK, nuff said. Back to the funny business...

Here's a few I missed the opportunity to use, and feel free to comment to add a few more...

When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

"So, you're telling me there WILL be rocky road ice cream in heaven, but only 144,000 bowls?"

"Would it freak you out if I told you the trinity is real?"

"Hey, wanna come watch some TV? I won't tell!"

"Why is the Watch Tower Society based in New York rather than in any holy city of the Bible?"

"If I told you a joke, are you allowed to laugh?"

"Since you don't celebrate your birthday, how do you keep track of how old you are?"

Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop uninvited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.

Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their loving-kindness and patience lasts.

Say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the rosary yet."

Every time they say "God" or even better, "Jehovah-God," say "...or Goddess."

"My house is kinda of a mess, could you help me clean up and practice for working in the 'New System of Things on Paradise Earth'?"

"My husband has a goatee - is he going to hell? Sweet!" (just kidding, honey!)

Grab your cross necklace and hold it out to them like a vampire.

"So, do you guys get a bulk discount on bicycle helmets?" (or is that the Mormons?)