Ode to Cheese

So, the high school I work at is having this schoolwide challenge for everyone to do learn something or acquire some kind of skill outside of their comfort zone. Teachers are NOT exempt, so as to make for good role models. (Yeah, they didn't look too deeply into my background when I got hired.) My personal challenge is to learn to play a song on the $35 guitar Dennis got me for my birthday. Then I got to thinking, there's really no song I've always wanted to learn to play, so why not write my own song? Only problem is, I'm too overtired, overworked, delirious and no longer of sound mind to right any kind of decent song, so thusly, my self-proclamation to one hit wonderdome is the following. Because, I mean, there are few things in the world more spectacular to sing about than cheese. It goes a lil somethin' like this:

ODE TO THE GLORIOUS: CHEESE

CHORUS: Cheese, Oh Cheese... Sweet Cheese... yeah.

When I have a lousy day
And I gotta make it better
I run right home to grab a bowl
And serve me up some cheddar.

When my week's been kinda gloomy
A wedge of brie will do me.
And if I'm feeling all alone
All I need's some provolone.

If no one's near to give you love
A hug or just a kiss,
Hold close your dearest cheesy friends:
Gouda, mozarrell and Swiss.

CHORUS: Cheese, Oh Cheese... Sweet Cheese... yeah.

You can fry it, you can shred it
You can eat it cottaged, too.
You can have a slice of pepper jack
Or make a dressing outta Blue.

If some cheesecake doesn't hit the spot
Then you know you gotta getta
Perfect little plastic tub
Of precious, crumbled feta.

If your poop's a little loose,
Cut the cheese from your caboose.
Then tighten up those runny terds;
Into your mouth, just pop some curds.

Parmesan, American
The two most common cheeses.
But as for me, I'm satisfied
With a redneck can of Cheese-Whiz.

CHORUS: Cheese, Oh Cheese... Sweet Cheese... yeah.

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