Our Son Turned One Today

I went into Frankie's room this morning for our typical routine, but instead of the "Good Morning!" song I sing him each day, today was a long-anticipated change of tune. "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, dear Frankie! Happy Birthday to you!" And mommy broke down in tears.

Technically, a year ago at that very minute, I was begging for my epidural to be topped off. But, so vivid in my mind this morning was the morning after Frankie was born... He laid in front of me on the hospital bed, asleep and with a comical rhythm of startle reflexes. He was apparently dreaming of either riding a roller coaster or freefalling from the womb. He looked awkward and uncomfortable in the new world into which he had been delivered, and he embodied every element of vulnerability, perfectionism and tenderness.

As I changed his diaper this morning through my sprinkles of tears, I reflected on what our little family shared together in the past year, what we laughed and cried about, stages we were glad to outgrow and moments we knew we'd never get back. Part of me finds it hard to believe that we managed to sustain this fragile, new life for an entire year, while the other part of me beams with pride at the accomplishment.

I wept because through all the milestones parents pass with their newborns, the one year mark is one of the biggest - for every reason and no reason in particular all at the same time. Milestone-ally speaking, it means Frankie can ride in his car seat facing forward, drink real cow's milk instead of formula and branch out into eating beef. It means our 12-month checkup on Tuesday will bring a round of shots and a flood of tears. And I've discovered that in the unspoken protocol of parenting, it gives us parents the green light to have another child, since getting pregnant with a second child before the first one is 12 months old seems to be viewed as a mortal sin. (With which I totally disagree - go Karen!)

But, as I kissed my son's tender, bald head, I thanked God for him and prayed, "I wish I could have a million more of you!" I recently read: "If it were for their love and smiles, everyone would have a hundred children. But then comes the matter of buying them all shoes." So true, so true.

So, tomorrow starts the second time we get to share a September 3rd together, as every previous day has been an original. It seems obvious, but I realized that Frankie's first birthday is not a destination, but a journey (I know, how trite). Just like when I fell in love with Dennis, it dawned on me that I didn't just get to love and celebrate him for that moment or that day. No, by God's grace, I actually get to spend every single day for the rest of my life with him, which is the coolest feeling ever! Likewise, we have been blessed with a precious son, with whom we get to spend the rest our days, celebrate every September 2nd and love without conditions in a way only a mother and father can - and it is the coolest feeling ever.

If you don't believe in God, or simply want to experience a tangible blessing from Him, then have a child. Be his ambassador, and let him touch your life as much as you shape his. There is nothing more powerful than the gift of parenthood.

Happy birthday, my baby boy. I love you with more than I ever thought my heart was capable. Here is to another adventurous, surreal, comical and historical year of your life... spent with thanksgiving, together.