Words of Advice

Pregnant women should not paint their kitchens. It's not a matter of noxious fumes or other baby-endangering factors. It's because after they have spent the day painting the kitchen, enjoying the opportunity to be physically active for a change, they will barely be able to crawl their way into bed that night. Oh, and they will sleep horribly, too. And the next day: all of her leg muscles will be totally useless. And because of all of this, they will be cranky. This makes their husbands cranky, and their kids cranky, and their students cranky. Don't let pregnant women paint their kitchens.

Oh, and another thing. Why aren't paint chips accurate? I mean, when you pick "Basil" green for your kitchen, a lovely hue of olive and lime - just like the walls at the trendy restaurant downtown, you expect a lovely hue of olive and lime to appear on YOUR kitchen walls, too. Even when you've have the paint chip hanging on your wall for weeks just to make sure you really do like that color. You finally take the leap and settle on that color, but, for some reason, when you get the job all done, your kitchen walls turn out to be a daunting green that is ominous; oppresive even. Why do the paint chips lie? Who is behind this conspiracy, and why? Lesson to learn here: Choose the color you want, but BUY three shades lighter.