Equal Opportunity Parenting

I pride myself somewhat on being an anti-feminist. I am not a man hater, will never burn my bra and don't believe women can accomplish everything better than men. OK, maybe that last one's a stretch - splitting hairs. But typically, I hold a pretty traditional view of male/female roles in the family, workplace, etc.

As either a challenge or a test of our faith, God entrusted us with one boy and one girl, even steven. As I was playing with them this afternoon, something hit me. We often praise Frankie by saying, "You're so smart," or "What a brilliant boy you are!" Annabelle, on the other hand, is showered with, "You're such a cute girl," or "You're so pretty." Hmm...

What is it that inclines us to emphasize intelligence in boys and appearance in girls? Psychologists propose that it could be cultural, instinctual or a reflection of the roles our parents instilled in us as children. In grad school, we reviewed extensive studies on the topic, and I vowed then and there to more equally encourage my future children, regardless of sex. Yet, here I am: Frankie, so smart; Annabelle, so pretty. Guilty of stereotyping and potentially limiting their potential before they know any different!

There's no reason to believe Annabelle's unintelligent - she's hitting all the developmental milestones right on cue. And, Frankie's quite the dapper young man, charming the masses with his stunning good looks. Maybe, in our case, it's just a coincidence with where our children are developmentally: Frankie is deep in learning mode, whereas Annabelle primarily eats, sleeps, poops and looks cute. Perhaps we just notice that they're both doing their current jobs well.

I'm rather thankful that I caught myself doing this when they're both at such young ages, as we can be more aware of what attributes we foster in our children's self-images and, with any luck, encourage them to develop as balanced as possible. Lord, that's a lot of psychobabble for one post. Yep, I'm turning out to be that mother.

Any other parent friends out there relate?