Keeping Up With The… Reality

I got to thinking about these economic stimulus refund checks the other day. I have an entire theory dedicated to the idea that the government knows that people who qualify for the refund – those whose annual adjusted gross income is less than $75,000 individually or $150,000 as a married couple – either 1) aren’t smart enough, 2) aren’t wise enough, 3) aren’t disciplined enough or 4) aren’t interested enough to know better than to spend their refund on crap they don’t need. They know that, while this group may have good intentions of saving, investing and paying down debt, their refund will actually be spent on groceries, clothing, a splurge of a dinner and that plasma TV they’ve been eyeing up for some time now – which is also how we drove our economy into distress to begin with. The government is counting on this happening to kick the economy in the pants, but again, like 100% financing on FHA home loans that people can’t afford, another bout of foolish consumerism will ensue. We underestimate how well our government knows its people.

Considering our school district’s shameful pay schedule, I accurately assumed that everyone at work would be receiving a check from the government. I mean, c’mon, we’re teachers. But then, as the discussion of these checks grew outside of my workplace, I realized something: a lot of people AREN’T getting these checks. In Iowa, $75K or $150K, respectively, is quite a living. Everywhere else, it’s just about average. In fact, pretty much all of our friends (minus our dear two in seminary) probably won’t get their opportunity to stimulate the economy.

Huh. Well now that’s a little depressing.

Ever seen the movie Family Man? Nicolas Cage is a top-of-his-game corporate mogul who gets a glimpse of what his life would have been had he chosen a different prong on his fork of life. Rather than breaking up with his college sweetheart, played by Tea Leoni, his flashback includes his long marriage to her wherein they produce two beautiful children. Cage is a tire salesman. Leoni also chose a different path in her law career, practicing non-profit law instead of corporate. They both share a wonderfully content life based on their average-to-sometimes-lacking incomes.

I am definitely Tea Leoni. About ten years ago, I had it going on, if I do say so myself. Top of my game, ruling my corner of the PR world, making some serious cash for a 23-year-old, driving a perfect car, living in the sweetest apartment in the best town ever. Had I continued on that path, no way would I have qualified for an economic stimulus refund check this year. No sir, I’d be shooting for the $150K – on my own. And if I hadn’t already made it, I’d probably be pretty darn close.

But I chose a different path. Along with my 20s life in the fast lane came a lot of poor choices, bad decisions, foolish mistakes – regrets, even. I ran away to the East Coast for awhile, came home to watch my father die and met Dennis, the most dearest of husbands and men in the world. With him, I created two beautiful children, bought our first shanty of a house to transform into our home, “went without” some weeks and months together – and built a treasure of a life together. Are we entirely without our problems? Of course not. When the turnip no longer bleeds and everyone else seems to be living a bit easier than us, do I wish I had a fat paycheck again? Yeah, I do - I’m no martyr.

I can’t help but think about something my very wise father taught me. He said that God gave us a unique set of gifts and abilities, and it is our responsibility to serve Him by using those gifts and abilities as best we can. He used to say, “If your gift is collecting trash, well by God, you should be the BEST trash collector there is. But,” he said, “you’re smarter than that, so you are responsible for much more.” In short, he was telling me to serve God with all my heart, soul and mind, because to serve Him is to love Him.

This is where I get stuck. I realize money is a superficial, earthly measure of one’s wealth, and I am sensitive to the rich man’s relation to a camel traversing the eye of a needle on his way to heaven. However, I can’t help but question if I am truly serving God to my greatest potential. Am I really using my gifts and abilities fully? Or am I the adult version of what my 6th grade teacher wrote on my report card: “Solid B+ student, not working up to her full potential.” I mean, I have an MBA and I’m making slightly more than my first job out of Chapman, for Pete’s sake (who is Pete anyhow?). Money aside, my intuition tells me I’m not fulfilling my worth. My soul is anxious at the notion of existing at 88%.

True, my current vocation is building our children's foundation, a cause to which I am fully dedicated, and my career is certainly noble: to educate the masses to become productive adults. But, earning enough to pay the bills – ALL of the bills in their entirety - wouldn’t hurt either. It’s hard for me not to believe I can’t achieve both. Or at least die trying. But, then the kids would have no mother…

The bottom line is this: I have what Leoni and Cage had in their juxtaposed “good” life: abundant quality time with my family; a job where I go to work every day knowing that I may affect (hopefully positively) someone’s life each day; an appreciation for everything we have, knowing how much we sacrificed to provide for ourselves; a detachment from most of the material goods and ways I found myself addicted to in my 20s; and a much more solid set of values and morals.

Am I perfect? No. Do we have room for improvement? Always. But ultimately, (other than Iowa winters) I am happy, thankful and content with our life. Not too much. Not too little. Almost enough to keep the bill collectors at bay. Life might be easier with a lot more money. Or it could be a heap more complicated. For now, I’ll continue to set ambitious goals for myself, thank God for all He has given us, thankfully accept our $1,800 tax advance credit… and hesitate to blow it on that plasma TV.